My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
you just broke rule number 1. If you can't lift her up don't date her
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
Randomize
