I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
