So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i guess its officially winter break. i woke up alone and fully clothed this morning.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
holy fuck that shirt looks so good on him, it was like he was born with it on. that shirt deserves a blow
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
