when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
We need a rematch, I think my pussy was on vacation the other night.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
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