Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
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