Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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