Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
he needs to stop telling all his friends what my queefs sound like. its getting awkward to be around people who can quote my vagina.
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
Randomize