I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
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