just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
