You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize
