You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
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