I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
