i can't wait to go to hell
yeah...all of my friends will be there for sure
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
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