barbara walters just said penis...
that sweater is a total boner killer. you might as well be wearing a wedding dress.
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
