it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I've been drunk so often this summer being sober is exciting
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
tell me there's a reason my bed smells like paint thinner
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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