guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
Randomize
