I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
All's fair in love and war. and tinder.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
When are your genitals available?
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
Randomize
