I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
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