He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
Dude sorry but it totally wasn't worth going back in there for yous shoes
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I see more hoeing in ur future
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