if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
I was out of weed and my vibrator broke, so I'm now at Red Lobster.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
My dad just invited me to smoke a blunt with him. Parent-child bonding at its finest (and highest).
Randomize
