I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
either she was really happy we won flip cup, or she was too drunk to notice her boyfriend behind her.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
Randomize
