So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
Randomize
