Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
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