Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I don't know how to tell my mom that I'm not sober enough to drive to the dentist...
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Can I fire a pigeon out of a t shirt gun?
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
Randomize
