the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
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