Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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