Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
The high school classes are online, not my sex life. He still comes over for “teacher / parent conferences.” A couple more “conferences” and I’ll be able to rewrite the Sex Ed curriculum
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