Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
What color are my eyes?
Ummmm... 34 C?
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
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