So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You owe me a new pair of headphones. You plugged mine into the top of a mustard bottle.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Randomize
