Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
So stoned I forgot I was masturbating and went to go get a cookie.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
I just rolled a blunt and took my bra off. I'm not going anywhere.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
