I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Just promise me you won't ring in the new decade by clutching onto a toilet
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
