I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
In an unknown location. With a giant marshmallow stuck to my back. Hello breakfast.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
So if I run into you on the street, I'm supposed to just stop drop and suck your dick?
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
