It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
nobody understands how my tooth became embedded in the ceiling last night.
Bro, the freshmen are smoking in the park again, do you need ammo for ur paintball gun?
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
When he swipes my v card it will be comparable to my bat mitzvah. should I make sweatshirts or sweatpants?
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
Randomize
