I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Well, I found my bra. It's in my glove compartment with a half-eaten Snickers bar and a Jesus bookmark.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
Randomize
