Who would have guessed that her hair would be so flammable
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
He fell asleep during FOREPLAY. Sober!!!
Im outta here as soon as my phone charges wtf
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
