lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Listen you let me know what you're doing after drinking rum punch all morning
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Randomize
