woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
