you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
Randomize
