Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
