She looked like cheddar but tasted like limburger...
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
My liver just had a heart attack.
She was pouring Goldschlager in my mouth during the shower sex. How can you NOT like her?
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
Randomize
