I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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