remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
say 'i' if you broke up a fight involving your father at TD bank today....
I come bearing gifts of whiskey and vagina
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
Randomize
