i wish my penis had a tongue
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
The djing cat is back again. I think he just makes appearances when im shit drunk just to fuck with my mind.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
I'm so pissed my boobs hit the emergency stop button during my workout
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
