If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
The Olympian is in my bed
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
Randomize
