I love black thongs
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
second roommate of the year to get clamydia. go life.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
