I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
She tried to wake me up by touching my dick. I kept pretending to be asleep.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
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