I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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