I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
