My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
The drunk teletubby stumbling out of the place tipped me off..
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
Randomize