There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Hey Operation Dumbo Drop... FYI, when you select your date this evening, our doorway is 3'x7'
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
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