I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
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