I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I want to be your penis for a week.
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
