The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
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