4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
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