just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
in fingerprint form on my ass. Seriously not cool. \ni bruiiiseeee like a delicate fruiiiitttt. Heeeaaarrr the rythymmm
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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