What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
the maid of honor just got in a fight with the mother of the bride at a gas station across the street. best. wedding. ever.
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
I woke up with glitter in my wounds.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
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