I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
Randomize
