I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
either i blacked out mid-sex but remember the beginning and end, or he really only lasted a couple of minutes
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
