you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
