you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
He went in for a kiss so I shook his hand instead.
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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