Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Look, when i woke up this morning, I had every intention of being a responsible twenty-five year old, cleaning up, making my budget, and filing my taxes. Its just I got siderailed by pot and downloading classic Disney songs, because fuck adulthood; everyone loves Disney.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
