im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
So last night was the first of "I got cut off before I walked in the bar".
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
