was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
i am one UTI away from banning your fingers from my vagina
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
