Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
