I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
