It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
