I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
