honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
Whiskey. Because sometimes it's fun to have your hands go numb.
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
