hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
I take back everything I said about communal showers
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
NO FUCKING RANDOMS IN AN ALLEY
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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