I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
