I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
