no. i seriously look so gross with this sunburn. i wouldnt even wanna bang myself. and im really into myself.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
I need to pay that drinking in public ticket, but I also really want to get a spray tan next week... so priorities.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
Randomize
