Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
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