So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
dude, that chick is coming to see me and stay for 2 nights. I'm hitting the 3rd in the trifecta of friends.
You're one hell of a depraved bastard dude, I'm borderline speechless. You officially win.
They all have matching tattoos so they're all official bffs. I love my life.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
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