you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
all of your clothes are in the front law. btw..sprinklers go on in 20 minutes
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
Randomize
