Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Woke up this morning with one boob drawn on to look like the globe. Questionable?
i wish my penis had a tongue
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
You suck at answering, but you did manage to avoid a fun conversation about hemorrhoids. So maybe you're great at answering.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
