Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
I had the good sense not to tell her that my summer goal is to get fucked by a med student while wearing a party dress and sparkly shoes
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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