I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
He came in like 30 seconds. That's how I know he hasn't been cheating on me while I've been gone
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
