Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
