video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
try to milk me bitch
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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