he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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