You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
just discovered a semi frightening wound on the side of my head that must have happened last night. if i die of a brain aneurysm, make sure they put "sorry for partying" on my gravestone.
Randomize
