he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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