i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Randomize
