I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
You walked away saying that you had to pee and you never came back. We found you an hour later in his roommate's bed. Under the covers. Still in your wet bathing suit.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
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