Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
I keep hearing lesbian porn and I'm the only one home. I don't think this is healthy
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Randomize
