I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Randomize
