come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
What made this night legendary was getting pulled over for looking suspicious while wearing an iron man mask
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
