As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
