he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
She bent the beer can with her tongue. I'm scared of what she'll do to me
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize
