WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
i've created a new STD.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
Randomize
