I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
Dude I just saw a beer truck w taps in the side... It's like god heard my prayers and sent me a gift from heaven
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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