last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
On celebration of the Supreme Court ruling I feel it is our patriotic duty to have a threesome
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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