I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
are you just going to ignore any texts involving my penis from now on? because thats going to shut down a pretty sizeable portion of our conversations.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
What part of i'm handcuffed to an oven do you not understand?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
Our livers get a hall pass for 2020, right?
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