i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Why would vodka do this to me? I've always been loyal
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Like I said, all hypothetical...unless, of course, you'd be into that. My heart may skip a beat.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
