The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
He said he was gonna go pull a lochte and the next thing we know he's outside ass naked peeing in the neighbors kiddie pool.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Randomize
