I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
