just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Do you know what your brother wants for his birthday?
Yeah he said he wants a decent blowjob for a change.
.......
I'm just looking out for you.
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
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