i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
