I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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