I could make wine with my vomit
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
I miss vodka workout Fridays
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
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