He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I wish they made helmets for livers.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
so do the steelers give the refs blowjobs at halftime or after the game?
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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