I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Randomize
