So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Randomize
