I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
And i didn't ask you to do that, You showed your penis at your own free will.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
Randomize
