dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Randomize