She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
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