Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
