im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
If you go to the bathroom don't ask why there's diet coke on the toilet. Loller copter. Blow is fun.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
