she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Oh goddamn. That a super downer Tuesday reality right there. Just hit me with the cold, hard, nasty facts.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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