If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
Randomize
